Monday, October 30, 2006
my world's spinning so fast
n so out of control lately
it feels as if i hav 2 put down my tots in words
as a mark of my existence
which is so pathetic
Things dun hav 2 b dis way
i noe it
i credit all e blame 2 every1 n everything abt me
but deep down i noe
tt my weakness is e onli thing holding me back
Life is really like a roller coaster nowadays
a roller coaster on a never-ending track
wif no one at the control panel
i wish
sum1 will come along n tell me
everything will b alrite
i hate my life
i realli hate it
realli
i wish i can transfer dis 2 sumthing else
i wish i can b happy
not after e exams
not in e hols
i mean right now
if i can b happy in dis whole crap situation
i noe sumthings will change
ToRemainorLeave? 4:28 AM
Monday, October 23, 2006
hav u ever take a peek out of ur window at e sg night view
took a breather yest nite at 4am fr studying
n looked out of my window 8 storeys high
i scanned e streets
dere was no1 walking ard
no buses no cars
jus e occasional bike wheezing by
n e sad wailing of a neighbourhood stray
sth caught my eye
e bus stop which i normally wait for my bus
e bus stop which was either bustling wif chatters of pri sch kids n deir maids
e bus stop which imaptient taxi drivers alight deir passengers n honk at any1 at e stop if dey wan a ride
it seemed so...
lonely
so peaceful
so solitary
standing by itself
e moonlight casting its soft glow
n e blurred lites of the bus stop itself illuminating the orange benches
as if always welcoming sum1 2 take shelter in it
sumthings r always dere 4 us
but whether we see it or not
is another issue
sum of us choose not 2 c it
sum of us hav no time nor mood 2 appreciate it
sum of us saw it, appreciated it n 4get abt it e nxt day dey wake up
yet dey will always b dere 4 us
do dey get a reward 4 doing so?
mayb yes mayb no
who noes
bus stops r wunderful shelters
for any1 n every1
ToRemainorLeave? 10:35 AM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
watched world trade centre
by myself as a bdae gift on fri 20oct
it rox
it so totally blew me away
n i had 2 admit
i was crying lyk mad fr e beginning 2 e end
its jus tt
e idea of hanging on despite onli seeing a pinprick of light
makes me sad
makes me wonder if im as strong
makes me amazed at our limits
how ple unite in trials n triabulations
no matter wat differences we have in our daily life
cos ple help each other for no other reason den its e correct thing 2 do
i din give up on u
dun u ever dare give up on me
to all e ple who passed away at e WTC
u r in my prayers
god bless
n 2 all e rescuers who helped
u guys rox!!!
ToRemainorLeave? 9:12 AM
recently
i found tt 4 e 1st time in my life
i cared abt sum1 neva e way i cld
mayb im growing up finally
a mark of me turning 20
mayb its jus tt sum1
who lurks behind my mind
lyk a perfume lingering in e room after e wearer has left
at e front centre of my brain
is my writing dream
surrounding e front center
r my family...kit...chew...teo..han..siok..joyce..eelin...boo...royston n all e gr8 s27 ple
at e sides
is my spastic chem course
which im trying 2 pull my arse out of asap
n at e back
is tt special sum1
but for now
i luv e ples at e front more
i guess ill always luv dem more haha
its jus e way things work
Always
ToRemainorLeave? 9:04 AM
things i wanna get done
dun get done
dreams tt i aspire 2 fulfill
seems so far away at e positive infinity pt
n im still struggling
at negative infinity
trying 2 get my pathetic degree regardless of wadeva shit i get
so i can b free
n take up writing courses
only when i grad can i b at e starting pt
n even den
deep down inside
i noe tt
ill succumb 2 e overwhelming tide of peer n parental pressure
i wun let tt happen
nt 2 me
i noe wat i want
its jus dere i jus hav 2 reach out 4 it
dun ever try 2 hinder me
no one can do tt
i promise
on my name
ToRemainorLeave? 8:56 AM
Friday, October 13, 2006
im bored
very bored
how bored u ask
jus bored
u noe
wif everything
n myself
e above often pass by our minds
but have u realli tot abt wat boredom exactly is?
i mean
y r we unhappy when we have things 2 do
n we moan n wail tt e work is too much n too tough
n when we hav nth 2 do
we r still unhappy?
u mean work can b easy n fun?
den it wun b called work
tts called play
i guess e feeling of boredom
comes abt from a feeling of dread combined wif a sense of loss
i mean yea we all noe fr peer pressure n social conventions
tt every1 ought 2 hav sum goal in deir life
n when we dun hav
we sorta get confused lyk lil sheeps without e shepherd
but yet at e same time being able 2 do wadeva u wan gives u a sense of authority n power
n u noe u cant hold on to it so u get scared of losing it
u dreas e moment when u hav 2 work ur butt off again
i guess tts wat boredom means 2 me
haha go figure
ToRemainorLeave? 10:16 AM
when everything settles down 2 e bottom
jus lyk how precipate settle 2 e bottom of e test tube
all e tots emotions feelings n troubles
seem 2 consolidate upon each other
n sum memories become compressed
under e weight of e incoming memories
some of dese memories may b lost in e process
some of dose are important parts of us
special moments in our life when we connect wif others
n 4 dose who have passed by our lives once upon a time
no matter how impt
will nt be tot of at all times
n many of deir footprints on our heart
will disappear wif e storms n winds tt we hav 2 tide thru
everybody likes to noe dey r unique in deir own special way
n tt dey r e world 2 sum1
but sumtimes its gd 2 realise e otherwise truth
so tt if sum1 realli remember n think of u amidst all e tribulations
tt is much more precious den anything else in e world
ToRemainorLeave? 9:20 AM
Monday, October 09, 2006
sumtimes i cant even accomplish e easiest of things
a sense of helplessness overwhelms me
n i feel immesely inadequate in dis big world
i start running away fr my mistakes
afraid 2 noe y n where i went wrong
how cld any1 bear 2 do tt 2 demselves, i question e stars above
den i realise tt if i loved myself more
i wld allow myself 2 make mistakes
n cherish all e bad memories n nitemares
4 all dese bits n pieces make up lia dun dey?
these tots make me at peace wif myself
n when peace is present in ur heart
u may jus chance upon a link btw ur heart
n dis vast world
ToRemainorLeave? 6:16 AM
went fairy-sparklers-playing wif teo at her hall last sat
fairy sparklers when held in ur own hands
r sticks aglow radiating mini stars of colours so splendid i cldnt take my eyes off dem
when teo threw e fairy sparklers in to e air
n i took a step back
4 e 1st time in my life
i witnessed a meteor rain shower
it may be artificial
but somehow the impact of the scene stole my breath away
n raw emotions welled up in me
sometimes putting urself in others shoes
will make u understand y he/she did wat she did
n mayb our hearts may open up to dem
n to ourselves at e same time
for taking a step back and forgiving others
means empathy towards self
ToRemainorLeave? 6:04 AM
Friday, October 06, 2006
lotsa frens ask me
oh y u neva write abt dis outing tt outing wif us in ur blog
come on
i dun even give a damn abt my freaking boring life
n so wat makes u think i wld evn hav e slightest inkling
tt u wld wanna look at my monotonous life on a blog in ur free time squeezed out fr a schedule mayb even more hectic den mine?
alrite so im act being nice n sparing a tot 4 u readers out dere
n yea im no gr8 philosopher
but i rather put down my ideas den write abt how i studied fr 8-6 at sch everyday
time 2 slp n rearrange my tots
my tots on how 2 exact revenge
evil tots can b so sweet it hurts
ToRemainorLeave? 8:35 AM
frens look at me n say
oh ur family so cute
ur mum so chio
ur bro so smart
n all sorts of stuff
but u noe wat e truth is
staring in ur face?
i rather live alone
u scoff n say," hah u're jus a spoilt brat who cant survive 1 day alone"
at e end of e day
when u try 2 wear my stinkin shoes
u'll c y i wld luv 2 leave dis hole
onli e ballerina in e music box will understand
wat it feels lyk when she's not doing pirouttes
but lying folded n cramped up in e treacherous darkness
waiting 4 e nxt probing hands to open her up so she can c e light
i hate it n i cant wait 2 leave 2 live
n i'll hate it even more if ur family is perfect n u come n judge dis entry on ur fallacious high chair wif e " cherish ur family, dey're e onli ones u have" theory
I AM THE ONLY ONE I HAVE
somethings cannot be loved no matter how much time u spent wif them, how dey brought u into dis world...as i said, lose ur respect n u'll lose it 4ever
ToRemainorLeave? 8:24 AM
time tt has passed
will neva return
jus lyk sumthings can neva b e same again
milk curdles when left in e heat too long
icicles in jelly left in e freezer too long make it unfit 4 consumption
same thing happens 2 relationships n frenships
respect once lost will neva b regained
do sth wrong
even when every1 else has let it go
u're e 1 still clinging onto e mistake
not every sin can be forgiven upon repentance
tt's wat i believe in
grace not law
ToRemainorLeave? 8:17 AM
Thursday, October 05, 2006
when ur hopes r let down too much
too many times
u'll come to learn
that wadeva it is, depend on urself 4 everything
build ur own happiness
dun wait 4 others 2 give u a share
nor 4 others 2 give u sum of deir time
4 sum1 2 create sum everlasting memories 4 u so u can take dem out n display dem under e moonlight in a rocking chair when u're old, watching sum space shuttle fly by in the future
Do tt too often
n u'll start 2 get disillusioned
u lose urself
pining 4 sum1 who carries sum trace of urself
so u can find urself again
things dun work dis way
lets stop e fairy tales gals
ToRemainorLeave? 7:55 AM
Dis is 1 of my fav song...sth tt will neva rust nor fade
one of the true old goldies i reckon
Its a frank sinatra song n e lyrics by Bart Howard
(there I've listed the credits so dun any freaking nitzshits dare accuse me of plagiarism...
THIS SONG IS BY FRANK SINATRA U HEAR ME!!!)
To all e peace-lovers, enjoy the song " Fly me to the moon"
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you
ToRemainorLeave? 7:51 AM
Thu=ings hav been kinda fast lately...
Feel lyk im on a shinkansen(japan bullet train)...zooming past my uni life
Yea yea grap all e memories cherish all u hav
But at e end of it all
when i dun get e recognition 4 my hard work
no word of acknowledgement no results no nth uh huh
its getting hard 4 me 2 spur myself on agst e tide of never-ending work...lack of slp...n ambitions unfulfilled...
wat e heck am i doing wif my life?
wat's dis sense of inadequacy i feel? wats my worth in e world now?
after 2 decades of living, i felt e 1st ever sting of tears threatening 2 spill out on e 96 bus...
believe it or not...i hav no idea y i started 2 act lyk i lost sum1 dear...on a public bus...
fortunately dere aint too many pair of eyes 2 see my tears
but even if dey do yea so wat
im sad alrites but sadness comes n goes
jus lyk how everyone lives n dies n after a 1000 yrs, no one will give a heck abt whether u won sum nobel prize or not cos seriously, nome of me n me frens care abt who came up wif dose differentiation n graph loads...
get a life...allow others 2 err...n cut dem sum slack...dun 4fet 2 do it 4 urself too
ToRemainorLeave? 7:37 AM
Monday, October 02, 2006
haven blogged here since ages...
well some updates 1st up...
entered sum sci-fi writing comp n realli crossing my fingers tt i'll get 2 go 2 e writers workshop,or better still get e scholarship tho my chances r slim cos i ain't nut nor so gr8 in ships n worlds...
but all's well wif e help of me bro
Of cos me bday coming soon
n im realli excited abt e kbox trip
looking 4ward 2 jumping on e couch singing 1st day n whole stash of f.i.r latest babies
wif beloved bobby teo
n crooning 2 sum duet wif my jk hopefully she can turn up pray her tops wun make her do extras on sat
n yup jus chillin out wif every1 will b e greatest blessing i can hav on me 20th bday
wif e rite kinda company,
even e small things can bcome tall
ToRemainorLeave? 5:18 AM
