Sunday, July 30, 2006
Watched Lake House wif teo dear dis fri...n it was realli gr8...keanu reaves n sandra bullock r e best film couple i ever seen..esp e scene when dey danced on the grass patch under e moonlight...it feels as if dey were meant 4 each other n dey knew it deep down too...n dey mentioned dis bk called persuasion by jane austen...2 wait 4 sum1 without knowing whether u'll ever get anything out of it n at e same time worrying e 1 4 u will neva come or tt u've jus missed sum1 gr8 , even tho tt sum1 mite not b e 1 4 u...life is so complex...but how it is lead dep on all kinds of decision u make, big or small...but i believe tt if sum1 is meant 4 u...even if at sum pt of time u lose sight of tt sum1...fate ill still work such tt u will still end up wif him if u choose not 2 give up at e critical point...i dunno when my sum1 will come or is dere even sum1 lyk tt out dere...however as suyi said...dis kinda things r not really life-n-death..cos we can b happy jus being wif e frens n family we luv...which is gr8 but im jus starting 2 wonder wat will happen if my bro n frens all find deir sum1 b4 me n i hav 2 spend my wkends all alone? haha i guess my tots tend 2 run wild whenever sth bad happens 2 me n i wish sum1 will settle it 4 me...but ultimately e truth is...even if i found my sum1 i hope tt i can solve my probs alone by myself n we both grow tgt in e relationship as 2 mature individuals...haha yes such is e effect of e wunderful show e lake hse..it realli makes u ponder abt life...
ToRemainorLeave? 3:29 AM
Monday, July 24, 2006
Im in a very confused mood lately...worsened by my guilt of not feeling sad 4 IT n my insomnia...lack of slp is making me dizzy...i feel IT so near at my doorstep I can almost smell IT's stench...IT's overwhelming...mayb it's jus my imagination...but y does sth in me tell me otherwise?
Sth in my guts...coursing thru my blood...n e palpitation of my heart...instinct...slowly IT has n will creep in...logically thinking wif my brain...I think i nid a doc...wadeva will b will b...life goes on ultimately
ToRemainorLeave? 7:55 AM
Wadeva u wanna do...do it now...
U think u'll b here a couple few more decades, or a few more yrs
Wat if it's jus a few months, wks, days?
It's better 2 leave in a flash den b stuck in a place where dere's no longer any more life...even if u survive...will u hav any will 2 bring u thru?
Sleep has eluded me,
But e nitemares hav not
I start 2 sleepwalk
N wake up wif writngs on my arms
Writings i dun rmb writing
It couldn't hav been me
It couldn't
I hope
I am who I am
Wadeva happens
I'll always b myself
I hope
ToRemainorLeave? 7:35 AM
Thursday, July 20, 2006
When i stopped, will anyone stop for me?
If i won't stop for anyone else, will anyone still stop for me?
Or will i be in no position to expect that?
Then again, can this be of equal trade?
Or is there something more noble than that?
ToRemainorLeave? 4:20 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The bright days are over n we are for the dark---Jean Ure, Plague99
Sleeptalking is sth i jus realised i did...during e chalet...i have no idea wat i rambled abt...only tt i kept kitty awake...n kept repeating 20201020060606 which so reminds me of e day when i turn 20 on my bday 20th oct 2006 0606h.
I went home 2 day n fell asleep at e sofa n i found out what i've been rambling on n on abt or at least my identity in e dream. It starts with e letter L n when i tried searching for it on the internet...e most horrible things came out as a list...e whole list of dem...
N wat scares me most probably is seeing e words written on e page of e bk which e little boy is reading...n y fr e angle of my perspective, e lady in blue n purple is so afraid of me n e lil boy...
Fire...lotsa fire leaping out fr e fireplace onto e lands n spreading lyk nb's business...it all ends in 1 day...
ToRemainorLeave? 7:15 AM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Somethings exist whether u believe in dem or not---Seth , City of angels
Surprise , surprise, over this hols, i finally realised how true dis statement is.
I hear things.
Or rather i hear conversations and voices humming songs which i can continue although i cant quite rmb where i heard dem, n all dese fits into my recurring dreams perfectly...as if i hear my dreams in reality.
Ever since a few yrs back, i've repeatedly dreamt abt a fireplace wif a lil boy back facing me. Each time e dream develops, but no matter how i try 2 approach e boy, i can never c his face. The weird thing is, dis lil boy has been in every dream of mine, wif his back facing me since young. You may ask how i may notice dis in e midst of fast-moving scenes? I dun, my dreams r up 2 my mind. When im dreaming, i hav e free will 2 control, pause, fast-forward my dreams n even change e characters n settings if nid b 2 protect myself in e dream. N tt includes willing myself out of a nitemare.( to do dis, 1) realise u r dreaming in ur dream 2) breath deeply n tell urself calmly tt u wan e dream 2 stop 3) u'll c e dream scene going away n fall thru a dark purple tunnel in e midst of constellations of stars 4) u'll wake up 2 find urself in ur "room" but do not b fooled bcos u r still dreaming n in dis "room" it is likely tt sth worse den ur nitemare will come when ur guard is down 5) repeat step 1 n 2 n den u'll really wake up in ur real room)
In e fireplace, dere's dis old malay woman wearing a blue baju kurong n purple head scarf. Nowadays, i dream of her separately n she'll always b back facing me at an angle, hummin a song i noe how 2 continue, but i cant rmb where i heard it.
E weird thing is, i always hear dis hummin in real life when im alone, or so i tot, until when my bro came out 2 ask me y im humming lyk a ghost in e mid of e nite. When he came out of his room, i saw e shock flickered in his eyes when he saw my lips werent moving at all n no radio or music was on. Seems lyk im not e onli 1 who can hear dem.
When i went swimming alone 2day, n was suntanning wif m back 2wards e pool i heard a conversation abt a fireplace btw a boy n a young lady. I noticed it because e voices seem 2 penetrate e air n what caught my attention most was e oldish way dey talked in. N firewood n winter n azalea n British accent in Sg? Get a grip. I was thinking dis pretentious foreign couple shld stop deir winter thing IMMEDIATELY. Scary thing is...i knew exactly wat e lady wld reply even b4 she replies. N guess wat, when i looked up 2 c who was talking, i only saw a few grown up guys doing deir laps ard me. No lil boy, no young lady
The conversation is as follows:
Boy: Mam, I heard from Sir that we're in for a harsh winter. The azaleas were all frozen when i was coming in from school today.
Young lady: I guess he must be right. Let's get more thickets n thimbles burning in e fire. We'll nid to keep us real warm fr e frostbite won't we. Heard from the weather station tt e rains gonna come down real hard soon.
Boy: Wun dere b lotsa thunder? Im scared of dem thunder. N lil Chip died fr dem lightning last yr dint he? Got struck real bad...heard his body was all charred n black...
Young lady: Young lad watch ur words in front of Mrs Adenaur. She's had enuf 2 deal wif since e death of her lil Chip. Saw her last year n she's broken. Now isnt it time 4 ur bedtime?
Boy: Mam im scared. When it turns dark, it always feels as if sum1's watching me.
Young lady: Now run along n stop ur nonsense....
I guess wad bothers me e most is tt...i can control all my dreams except e 1 abt e fireplace n e malay lady...
ToRemainorLeave? 10:28 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
| Six humans trapped by happenstance
In black and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told. Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black. The next man looking cross the way
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch. The third man sat in tattered clothes;
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use
To warm the idle rich? The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy poor. The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from his sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white. And the last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game. The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within. |
ToRemainorLeave? 12:51 PM
Not everything can b proved
But when it's late at night
And it's so quiet u hear ur heartbeat
Nth else but ur heart beating away
I start to believe my heart
When it shows me there might be someone out there
Someone who made it so silent i could hear my heart
Someone who may exists in my heart
But absent in my rational thoughts
Someone who gave me rational thoughts
So tt he could filter the believers from the nots
Then when dawn breaks
And my heartbeats are inaudible in a background of reverie
I dont hear it anymore
But it couldn't leave
Not when it's wat sustains my existence
---Lia Leow
ToRemainorLeave? 12:36 PM
Was toking 2 my dance senior recently...n he was telling me tt in dis society good ple dun survive...so i was telling him tt even if u succeed by being evil in dis life...u cant go heaven for e rest of eternity...n he replied tt he din believe in heaven or hell...he only believe in a world of nothingness after death...n he said heaven n hell r 2 console weak ple tt dey dun have 2 fear death cos dere's life after it...but i was thinking it's things lyk dis actually spur me on to live my life 2 e fullest...im not sure how perfect heaven will b...but sumhow my gut feeling tells me tt happiness is built on certain setbacks...so no matter how happy i'll b in heaven...i can neva b as happy as i am now...tt's wad i feel...but who noes? e happiest ple shld actually b dose who r not spurred or influenced by external factors...but actually dose who finds peace within demselves...happiness is from within us...wherever i may go after death...mayb e truly strong ones will even b able 2 find happiness in hell itself...
ToRemainorLeave? 12:00 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Went zouk wif jean n puey yest 2 club...n i so promise 2 myself i'll neva go again..zouk sucks...to me...it realli does...anw e quote 4 yest is " watching football a day, takes my youth away"...haha...it was quite fun actually i had 2 admit...it was a gr8 achievement k...staying up so late...went 2 jie's hse wif chewsy 2dae n ding han aka gabriel is so cute can!!! omg his hairstyle really looks lyk jay chou wan lor...so cute!!! im falling head over heels in luv wif him...n kit's mum really makes gd curry k.. i mean it...e potatoes r e melt-in-ur-mouth kind can...glad im not her daughter or i'll b twice my size can...hais but i luv my mummy too!!! haha... thanx again jie 4 having us at ur hse...i luv u!!! n i luv Mrs Lai too!!! haha
ToRemainorLeave? 9:28 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
e purpose of dis entry is 2 record down sth impt in case i 4get
on dis very day, 3rd July, 8plus at PS, in Hula Co, Ezak Lai requested 4 her nxt yr bday pres 2 b a voucher fr Lee Hwa Aspial..n she wouldnt repeat dis request again nearer her bday cos she paiseh ( skin so thick still got paiseh meh oops)
4 me, in case u beloved frens out dere 2 chance upon dis blog entry, can i request 4 a top fr outfitters at PS basement? it totally rocks man!!!
Alrite im tired after sum inhumane feline forced me 2 work fr orchard 2 dhoby ghaut...haha byes
ToRemainorLeave? 8:50 AM
