Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Im beginning to understand why there are people in this world who choose to be hermits. Someimes i realli wanna be left alone. Alone. Peace. Silence. Just allowed to be myself by myself. It's so hard nowadays trying to act cheerful in front of my friends...cracking lame jokes with them...i feel so tired of putting up a facade of laughters and joys...teo suspects i have psychosis...jie thinks i have depression...and siok thinks im some exercise freak..which is why jie has been trying to look out for jobs for me...so i won't feel left out when they are all working...i appreciate her efforts..realli im grateful...but there's just something pulling me back...i dunno what it is...i've never felt so lost n confused before...for the 1st time in my life i have so much time on my hands i can't figure out what to do with it...siok saes i just need to find my purpose in life...will i ever? wat i onli noe now is that im on now...nobody will understand why i force myself to swim in the pool everyday...or why do i even bother to run in the parks and on the treadmill...franly i hate it...nobody understands n no one bothers to even understand...how i wish i could have just some support from somebody...
ToRemainorLeave? 7:06 AM
